This date is probably my favorite one to tell people. It was the kind of thing that I had really only seen on t.v. or in bad country music videos. Until now.
So, typical internet dating story line.
He messaged me, I verified that he a) was human b) could spell at least 85% of his words properly and c) was over 5 ft 2 (more to come on this later....).
We exchanged numbers and a texting relationship commenced. Simple enough.
I have a time limit when it comes to texting, however. And here's why.
If you don't buck up and ask me out within a 3-4 day span, it is safe to assume that you're either way fatter than you claim OR you're married. Each possibility is equally gross (double gross if you're both fat AND married).
So, this dude was pushing my 4 day texting limit, but was funny and smart enough to warrant me taking the first stab at a date. So, I throw out my flirtiest emoticons and suggest maybe he take me out sometime.
Now, this should've been my first sign that he was odd. He would agree with me that yes, we should hang out, but then never actually suggest anything.
Ok, so it's a bit strange, but I give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he's just a bit shy. Fair enough. He is ON a dating site after all. That typically implies that one is ready to date. Right?
Finally, we manage to make tentative Friday night plans. I was going to be out to dinner with some friends downtown, and so I suggested he come meet up with me later and we'd go somewhere together. He agreed. All good.
As I'm sitting having dinner with my friends, he texts me non-stop, asking what I'm doing, am I still with my friends, do I still want to meet, etc etc. It's getting late, and he's still sitting at home texting me, instead of driving down to commence our actual "date". Hmmm.
So, at this point, I'm over it. I tell him not to bother coming down, as it was getting late and I was tired and ready to go home. Well, all of a sudden, dude is magically on his way down to meet me.
"No, don't leave!"
"I'm almost there. Please stay. I'm so excited to meet you."
Sigh. I had planned on splitting a cab home with my buddy, as it was going to save each of us a few bucks. But, my buddy convinced me to stay, go on my date, and then meet up with him afterwards for post-date analysis.
I agreed.
We had already left the restaurant and so I just headed down the street to another spot and told the guy I'd meet him there. I wait for another 15 minutes for him to show.
Finally I see him out the window. Crap. Hoodie, skinny jeans, and NOT 5'2. Double crap. I had spent all this time waiting to go on a date with freakin' Billy Talent.
Well, again, I'm pretty easy-going, so I hope for the best and put on my biggest first date smile and the date begins. The conversation is decent, somewhat awkward, but definitely not intolerable. Ok, ok, all might not be lost here. I mean, he did seem a bit twitchy, but again, I chalked it up to shyness and carried on.
So midget dude's phone 'goes off' and he says he'll be right back.
Five minutes later. He's not back.
Ten minutes later. He's not back.
It suddenly occurs to me that he isn't coming back. Oh. Em. Gee.
I text him: "Did you seriously leave?".
Immediately he writes back: "Yah, sorry, I had to go".
Uh, what? That's it?
So, I inform him, very nicely, that we are adults and there are ways to end dates that don't involve faking phone calls and running away. He said it was too awkward and he has a hard time with confrontation. Soooooooooo, of course, the obvious solution is to just plain leave.
Oh, and stick me with his $2.50 pepsi tab. Jerk.
Anyways, after I explain to him that he's pretty much wasted my night, he starts messaging me like crazy, all over again, saying how terrible he feels now, and that he wants to come back, and it's just that it's been so long since he's been on a date.
Now it's clear to me that this guy is just an emo-dork with no clue about interacting with women.
Anger wears off, the funny starts to take over.
I wish him luck and head back to my buddy's place for a few laughs.
He texts me the next day asking me out again.
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